John Fugelsang

POLIPOP! Caffeinated With John Fugelsang- Mitt Romney vs. The GOP

John Fugelsang

Source: This piece was originally posted at FRS Daily Journal

A President Mitt Romney and I doubt this would ever happen, but if it did it would be better for comedians. Because he’s a gaffe and flip-flopping machine, that would provide comedians and bloggers mountains of material to make fun of him. Every comedian in America should endorse Mitt Romney for president for their own careers. Because they would make all the material they had against George W. Bush look as original as the New York Yankees winning the World Series, or Lebron James playing in the NBA Finals and losing. Because when it comes to taking political positions for Mitt, it depends on which group he’s talking to and which Mitt is speaking to that group. Businessman Mitt, religious fundamentalist Mitt, Neoconservative Mitt, or whoever Mitt is when he’s not running for whatever political office he’s interested in at the time.

The fact that someone like Mitt Romney who flips backs and forth more often than tennis balls at a tennis match, could win the Republican nomination for president, is like a quarterback winning the starting position for an expansion team.

“Since no one else seriously tried out and you haven’t done any time in any mental institutions and don’t see same-sex marriage as a threat national security, we’ll give the job to you. And good luck to you as we’re more interested in 2016 anyway. When we might have at least on candidate who can actually win.” Mitt Romney won the GOP presidential nomination, because he seemed like the only person who was sane to the GOP establishment and would embarrass them the least and not cost them the House of Representatives. Which they can’t afford to lose in 2012.

So yeah, a President Mitt Romney (I’m shitting bricks just saying that) would have been great for comedy and blogging interesting. Especially bloggers who right comedy and I’m one of them. But bad for the American people, because for them to have any idea what their President thinks about any issue, they would have to listen and read every single he says. Because his positions could change the next time he opens his mouth about anything depending on who he’s talking to. And what the polls in the Republican Party are saying.

President Romney Senior Adviser- Aw Mr. President, your current position on that issue is not popular.

President Romney- Okay, I’ll change it.

Senior Adviser- But you just took that position yesterday.

Romney- So what! I’m speaking to Americans. Their memories aren’t that long anyway.”

That is what a President Romney would be like. Who knows what the President, because he doesn’t even know. Great for comedy, but bad for the country.

Romney Family

Slate: Romney Boys Can’t Contain Their Obama Debate Anger

Romney Family

Source: This piece was originally posted at FRS Daily Press: Slate: Romney Boys Can’t Contain Their Obama Debate Anger

Not the most loving and respectful men of the presidency. The Romney Boys, they seem more like thugs working for their father. They seem to want to do what their father other than in the first presidential debate what their father couldn’t do. Which is to beat up President Obama, or at least beat him somewhere. I mean Mitt, clearly wins the first debate and is still clearly trailing the President in the Electoral College, despite now being neck in neck with the President in the popular vote. Mitt, doesn’t look like a winner right now, but someone whose trying to find any place where he can win. So he’s not the Mike Dukakis of the GOP. Someone who badly loses a presidential election that he should have won.

It’s hard to hear negative facts about your father especially in a political campaign. Especially when those facts are about one’s lack of experience, knowledge, judgement, honesty and even credibility. The Romney Sons, might know who Dad is, but the problem is their Dad won’t let the rest of the country know. Because he keeps turning into someone else depending on what office he’s running for, what year he’s running and the people he feels he needs to have supporting him. He’s Moderate Mitt in Massachusetts, he’s Religious Conservative Mitt in 2007 when he’s going for the Christian-Right in Iowa and South Carolina. And now he’s the businessman with results, even though as Governor of Massachusetts, he had a weak jobs record. And laid off a lot of people as a businessman.

Who is Mitt Romney and what do you believe in? Would be my question to him if I ever interviewed him. But I would be carrying a whole notepad of paper, or perhaps my laptop waiting for ten different answers to the same questions. As he’s telling us every different position he has on the same issue. And doing that for each issue. Americans are funny this way in that we like our presidential candidates to tell us who they are and what they believe with some consistency before we decide who we’re going to vote for, not after. I guess we’re just stubborn that way and don’t have much faith in coin flipping when it comes to choosing our political leaders. But we’re into finger flipping when it comes to political leaders that we don’t like. As Mitt knows all too well right now.

Binder Full of Hillary?

Slate Magazine: Mitt Romney- ‘Binders Full of Women Meme to Take Over The World’

Binder Full of Hillary?
Binder Full of Hillary?

Source: Slate Magazine: Mitt Romney- ‘Binders Full of Women Meme to Take Over The World’

Is Mitt Romney capable of getting through an appearance, debate or otherwise, without making a gaffe. Or maybe these so-called gaffes aren’t gaffes and he actually believes in this, lets say garbage and it just slipped out. Does Mitt even at this point where he’s clearly trailing in big Republican states like Florida, Virginia and Ohio, where he needs to win at least two of those states in order to win the presidency even want to be president? Or is he writing a new book, perhaps political manual on how not to run for president if you want to win. The title of the book actually being, “Mitt Romney’s How Not to Run For President.” Maybe he’s hoping he can get Congress even with a Democratic Senate in it, to repeal the 19th Amendment that guarantees all American women the right to vote. And with that he wouldn’t have to bother campaigning for female voters.

I imagine when it comes to life in general and in business, Mitt Romney is a tall handsome, young-looking for a Baby Boomer, intelligent, good man. But when it comes to politics, he must have slept in when God was handing out political brains. I haven’t seen a national politician this week when it comes to appealing to average voters since George H.W. Bush in 1992. When he didn’t know the price of milk and his own Vice President miss spells potato. And this is probably because President Bush hadn’t been to a grocery store and bought his own groceries in over twenty-years at that point. If I’m a women, (and no I’m not looking for a sex change) am I supposed to feel good about Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women”? Or should I take that as a guy who probably watches too much Cinemax late at night, because he can’t sleep, because from all the coffee he drinks on the campaign trail?

As a presidential candidate, Mitt Romney is a gunslinger who always has his gun pointed at his feet and forgets turn the safety off. I don’t know how the man walks around anymore having shot off so many of his own toes. He barely beats a man who wants to take America back to 1955 in a national time machine where women weren’t supposed to work and perhaps even vote. Where gays were locked in prison cells and mental institutions, as well as closets. That being Rick Santorum of course and is now running against a President who struggles to hit fifty-percent when it comes to his own popularity. With high unemployment and weak economic growth. And Mitt finds himself trailing in several big Republican states that he has to win. I mean is Mitt Romney really all the Republican Party has to offer for president? And is this the best they have?

Will Durst

FORA-TV: Political Satirist Will Durst Takes on Mitt Romney

Will Durst

Source: FORA-TV: Political Satirist Will Durst Takes on Mitt Romney

The best way to describe Mitt Romney the politician is to use his own gaffes, I mean words his own thoughts. He said he’s not a politician, which might be technically true in the sense that he currently doesn’t hold public office. But why is that, because he has a very hard time getting elected to anything, except in 2002 when he was elected Governor of Massachusetts. But that’s not the whole story, he ran for President in 2007-08 in wide-open GOP field and finished third. Despite having the best resources and perhaps organization. And loses a Senate election to a vulnerable Ted Kennedy in 1994.

Mitt, decides not to run for Senate against John Kerry in 1996, against another vulnerable Senator in John Kerry and decides to take a few years off from politics instead . But the man has been thinking about running for public office at least since 1992. He just hasn’t found a way to get elected except for 2002 as Governor of Massachusetts. The reason why he’s not a career politician, is because he keeps losing or can’t find an election he can win. Not because he’s only interested in being a successful businessman. He’s been thinking about being President of the United States since 2004 and started running in 2006. Its taken him six years just to win he Republican nomination.

It’s not just Mitt Romney’s gaffe that he’s not a career politician. That takes up a whole paragraph. Then there’s the one where he says he doesn’t care about the poor. Well pardon the term no shit Sherlock! Also in he news fire can burn human flesh and people can drown underwater. And concrete is hard etc, no real news made here. Here’s a good one, he’s unemployed, actually he gets paid to run for president with all he money he raised running for President. He was fired from that back in 2008 when the GOP decided not to hire him to be their presidential nominee. He did managed to get another job running for president in 2009-10, in about three months, he’ll probably be fired again.

And then of course there all the flip-flops, like not being in favor of his own healthcare law that he singed into law in Massachusetts. He figured out that’s not going to fly and has decided he’s now in favor of Romney/ObamaCare. The best way to describe Mitt Romney without using his own words, imagine a slick used car salesmen. Who has the attitude, “I need to tell my customers what they need to hear for them to buy a car from me and where I’m wrong, I’ll try to fix this in the future.” Like saying a car that’s supposed to have four doors, but it only has three will keep you warm in the winter in Wisconsin with only three doors. Thats sums up Mitt’s flip-flops. “What do I have to say to this crowd to get their support and how do I change that around to get the support of the next crowd that I’m speaking to.” He’s a slick used car salesmen which unfortunately is a great way to describe a lot of American politicians.

Desperate to be President of The United States

The Onion: Week in Review- The Week in What Didn’t Happen, This Time Not From Fox News

Desperate to be President of The United States
Desperate to be President of The United States

Source: The Onion: Week in Review- The Week in What Didn’t Happen, This Time Not From Fox News

Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney announced today that he will clone himself again, to make himself look like a women. Along with undergoing plastic surgery to make that happen, to better reconnect with female voters. But canceled those plans, after being told by Neoconservative Republicans that they wouldn’t vote for a women for President. The ironic part of this, that a lot of those voters are women as well. In a press release from the Romney Campaign, they announced that already managing four clones, Conservative Mitt, Liberal Mitt, Moderate Mitt and Neoconservative Mitt, would be too much to handle. To go along with a Female Mitt.

Also in the news, Vice President Jill Biden announced that Mitt Romney was more qualified to be President of the United States, than himself. But in the next sentenced announced that Mitt would make a worst President than George W. Bush. Apparently Vice President Biden forgot to take his medication. His wife Jill Biden announced that her husband is back home in bed now. And will only be allowed to leave the house, with tape wrapped around his mouth, to prevent him from speaking.

The day in what didn’t happen and again this time not from Fox News, who are all on vacation this week. Back in court once again to deal with lawsuits filed against them by Democrats who are suing them for libel, for being called Un-American. That lawsuit filed by the President of the United States himself. Who they claimed is actually the President of the United Mexican States, after seeing President Obama in Mexico City. At an Organization of American States meeting. More details about that lawsuit as they don’t come out in the future. But Fox News released a statement saying that they will be back next week, with a special report on the accuracy of birth certificates for everyone born in Hawaii since 1945. Not just Barack Obama.

Barack Obama: Mitt Romney- ‘I Stand by I Said Whatever it Was’: The Multiple Personality Presidential Candidate

Mitt Romney- Multiple Choice on All The Key Issues
Mitt Romney- Multiple Choice on All The Key Issues

Source: Barack Obama: Mitt Romney- ‘I Stand by I Said Whatever it Was’: The Multiple Personality Presidential Candidate

This is the number one problem that Mitt Romney has going for him, that he’s a multiple personality presidential candidate. That if his real name was Flip Flopper, no one who knows who he is or has some idea who he is, would have no problem believing that. The line “I stand behind what I said, whatever it was”, could be Mitt Romney’s campaign slogan. Standing behind something you said and not even knowing what you said.

That would be like saying something in a bar when you were drunk and you can’t even remember anything from that night. And you said a bunch of things and someone who was at the bar, holds you to that statement and you tell them, “well I stand behind that. Even though I have no memory of actually saying that.” President Obama has a problem, but I guess it’s a good problem, which Mitt Romney does he run against and he’ll see more than one in this presidential campaign. Does he run against Liberal Mitt from 1994, Moderate Mitt from 2002, Religious-Conservative Mitt from 2007-08, Neoconservative Mitt from this years Republican primaries, or whatever Mitt decides to run for President in the general election.

President Obama, could say. “I kinda like the Mitt from 2002-04, the successful businessman, big believer in economic freedom. Liberal and tolerant on social issues.” Which is how Northeastern Republicans tend to be, but he could also use that Mitt against whatever Mitt we see in 2012. And he could tell Mitt, “you know I kinda like that guy from 1994 and 2002, whatever happened to that guy?” Independent voters would like that Mitt as well. And Mitt if he answered the question honestly, which is about as likely as Pat Robertson coming out for same-sex marriage, would say, “oh that Mitt is still there, I just keep him hidden, when I’m around Neoconservatives, who hate that Mitt and see him as an Un-American Socialist.”

Imagine that a successful businessman whose a Socialist, that’s today’s Republican Party for you. Please someone bring back Barry Goldwater and Ron Reagan. Those guys seem completely reasonable to today’s GOP. I’ve said this for over a year now, the best thing that President Obama has going for him, is his competition or lack of it. With enemies like this, who needs friends, they would be the best members all of them, of the Obama Reelection Committee. Working for the President behind the backs of the GOP. Like Democratic espionage agents, screwing the GOP. And Mitt Romney is the Leader of this pack.

The Onion: Andrea Barret & Piper Cahill: Mitt Romney to Travel Back in Time to Kill Liberal Versions of Himself

Mr. Flip Flopper
Mr. Flip Flopper

Source: The Onion: Andrea Barret & Piper Cahill: Mitt Romney to Travel Back in Time to Kill Liberal Versions of Himself

Imagine if Mitt Romney could travel back in time to change more liberal positions he use to have, that me as a Liberal respect. Like when he supported civil unions for same-sex couples just six years ago. Just one position that has pissed off the Christian Right when he was Governor of the Democratic State of Massachusetts. Or back in 1994 and I’m guessing even before that, when he was running for U.S. Senate against Senator Ted Kennedy. Being pro-choice on abortion, or back in 2005-06, signing the twin brother or sister of the Affordable Care Act. Better known as ObamaCare.

But telling the difference between ObamaCare” and RomneyCare, is like telling the difference between the Olsen twins, seeing them for the first time. Or better yet imagine if Mitt could clone himself, when he’s running in Massachusetts. He’s the Liberal Mitt, when he’s running for president in a religious and neoconservative GOP. He’s a more Conservative Mitt, but not far enough for the Far Right. That he scares off independent voters, which is where he is right now.

If Mitt could clone himself, he would be the perfect unbeatable politician. Liberal on social issues, conservative on economic policy. Keeps your taxes and spending down, somewhere in between. Somewhere in between depending on if he listens to himself, or his clone. On foreign policy, he would be exactly where independent voters are. The Christian-Right, would hate him because he’s not trying to tell Americans how to live their lives. Progressives would hate him because he’s not spending every dollar Uncle Sam takes in, or increasing taxes on everyone. But if this were 1988 or 1980, the Romney Campaign wouldn’t even have to consider creating a time machine, or cloning Mitt. Because this is where the Republican Party use to be politically.

The GOP, so much liberal on social issues. But took the attitude that government shouldn’t be telling Americans how to live their lives. Which is actually conservative politics as well. Could the time machine be Mitt Romney’s secret weapon to winning the presidential election? What happens after he’s nominated by the GOP and sees independent voters that liked his liberal positions on social Issues? Wait! It’s a time machine, so he would be able to go back in time and delete his ass-kissing of Christian-Right Voters in the Republican primaries. A time machine would be a hell of a secret weapon, if only it existed. The problem is Mitt is stuck with whoever he is. At times its hard to tell with his flip flopping. I’m not sure even he knows who he is at this point.

So This is Washington: The Real Mitt Romney?: The Multiple Choice Politician

Who is Mitt Romney?
Who is Mitt Romney?

Source: So This is Washington: The Real Mitt Romney?: The Multiple Choice Politician

Mitt Romney’s father George Romney as Governor of Michigan and as a presidential candidate, he was basically a Center-Right Republican. Strong economic Conservative credentials, but moderate-liberal on social issues. His son Mitt Romney in his heart fits into whatever faction of that Republican Party that remains today. Mitt’s problem is that what he believes in politically, doesn’t fit in very well with today’s Republican Party. So positions he takes in the past, like when he ran for U.S. Senate in Massachusetts in 1994 and Governor of Massachusetts in 2002, doesn’t fit in with the rest of the Republican Party.

Where instead of contending with Moderates and Conservatives and even Liberals, he has to contend with Religious and Neoconservatives and now the Tea Party that has both of those political factions in it and even Libertarians. So when he’s running for Senate and Governor, he’s pro-choice on abortion. He was a moderate conservative Governor of Massachusetts. When he runs for President in 2007-08 and running in the Bible Belt, he decides to be the Christian Conservative Candidate. Because he knows Mike Huckabee is running and he’s going to need Christian Conservatives to be elected President of the United States.

Two problems that Romney had with that Campaign, was that the Christian-Right didn’t believe him and they were correct. And that Mitt Romney is a Mormon and they see Mormonism as a cult. Anytime you try to appeal to a religious cult like the Christian-Right (as I would label them) you’re looking for trouble, but that also goes to your character, or lack of it. Trying to talk sense to cult followers, is like trying to take a shower without water. What’s the point.

I call Mitt Romney Flip Flopper because that’s what he does and what he is. The real Mitt Romney no longer fits in with the GOP. Those days are gone, this is no longer the Republican Party of Ron Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Barry Goldwater, Gerry Ford, Bob Dole and others. This is the party of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Pat Robertson, the Christian Coalition, Family Research Council, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and others. So Romney feels the need to make up these new characters. Moderate Romney in 1994 and 2002, Bible Belt Romney in 2007-08 and now the businessman with results Romney in 2011-12. He’s whoever he feels he needs to be to get the job he’s running for and his act is running dry.

Which is why the Republican Party is not sold on him yet and if you look at these GOP presidential debates a strong presidential candidate could knock most of those schmucks out. But because we are talking about Mitt Romney, he gets to appear on the same stage as Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, Herman Cain and the audience is left to wonder who won. Ron Reagan with this lack of competition, would’ve already had the GOP nomination in the bag by now. You ask Mitt Romney who is Mitt Romney and you get several different answers from the same person.

And you’re thinking, “he just described several different people. I’m not sure he knows who he is, if he gave you and honest answer.” He might say, “I’m who I believe I need to be in order to get to where I want to be.” (Under truth serum) Which would be true, but he doesn’t have the guts to say that and his political career, I mean his running for office career would be over. He’s only held one public office, because he’s lost almost every election he’s ever ran for. Again because of the multiple personality Mitt he’s become a career campaigner who rarely wins, but goes by the notion, “once you fail, try, try again.”